KENYAN CON MEN IN DESIGNER SUITS

Bare with me on the length of the post but the whole experience was so intricate there is no way I can miss out anything. This past week my boyfriend and I had an evening worth not forgetting. A group of people purporting to be marketers/sales people tried to not only put the wool over our eyes but put the WHOLE SHEEP over any sensory organ that was available at that time!

It all began with my regular visit to one of our local super markets over the weekend, where a young man with a bunch of papers and a pen happened upon me, asking me to fill in a questionnaire regarding my travel/vacation habits. I told him that I was tired and wasn’t in the mood for whatever he was selling, but he was so persistent even insisting on filling the key parts of the form for me to save me any stress. He proceeded to ask me for my name, number, if I travel frequently, my & my partner’s profession. At that point I was thinking this is all a little suspicious but I was tired and answering his questions seemed to be the only way out. I answered and moved on with my life with very little thought.

Then on Wednesday while I was within the quagmire of sorting out stuff at work, I get a call from one Mr. Wekesa, telling me that I had won a 2-night for 2 deal with Company X. That they had gone through the forms filled by their agents and they deemed me and my spouse worthy of winning this trip! Unless you get such calls regularly, you’ll totally understand how confused I was because for the life of me the young man at the supermarket was totally erased from my conscious and unconscious mind. Anyway Mr. Wekesa proceeded to tell me of this 6pm presentation that Company X was making that evening and that my attendance would be most imperative. I tried to ask Mr. Wekesa a number of questions regarding what he was talking about but he insisted that all my questions would be answered at the 6pm presentation. I was thinking it did no harm to say OK to a 2-day trip, it was something worth finding out about and I had nothing to lose but time. So I contacted my boyfriend and we planned to attend this mysterious event.

At 6pm we drove into a pretty new building in the Westlands area, oh and I forgot that we’d been previously been allocated Parking No. 7 & Table No. 7. So we drove in and parked but after being told by another gentleman at the parking to wait in our cars till we were instructed to enter the building. After a short 10 min wait, we were told to go to the 1st floor of the building, which we proceeded to do. We were then greeted by a young lady who gave us a form to fill, indicating our names (remember at this point I was a married woman), joint monthly income and whether or not we were willing to sit through a 90min presentation. After yet another short wait we were approached by another young lady and asked to follow her into the presentation room and have a sit. We were offered tea/coffee/water which we gladly accepted.

The presentation room was dotted with lovely and well printed images of various vacation/travel destinations. We tried to enquire as to who did the marketing paraphernalia, but we were told that it wasn’t information that she had at the top of her mind. We spent a few minutes answering our hosts questions about what we do, where we’ve traveled to recently and where our dream vacation spots are. Occasionally a ‘Manager’ would drop in on us, greeting, introducing and laughing at our pretty lame jokes. Our chat with Njoki ended earlier compared to the other couples, who seemed to have endless stories to talk about. Eventually we were asked to switch off our cell phones and listen to the much awaited presentation.

The presentation was quite dramatic, with one person speaking in English and another translating it into Swahili sentence for sentence ;much like those preachers on the streets “Ladies and gentlemen,” “Mabibi na mabwana…” sort of thing. It went on for 15 mins, they described for us the benefits of joining their vacation club, and how much we would all benefit from having a timeshare deal going on over the next 10/20 years. They also claimed affiliation to RCI and The Vacation Group, SA (tried to goggle them but it seems they don’t exist).

Then we had a short break where we were to ask questions and have a small tour of the images on the way depicting timeshare destinations available to us once we joined this exclusive club. After that we were asked to sit through another 15mins through yet another the english/swahili presentation describing to us the cost benefit of joining this timeshare club. We were given the option of 1) Finding out the amount it would cost us (which they had managed to dangle over us through the whole session) 2) Find out the amount and either join or not join 3) After saying yes or no walk out and get our 2-day complimentary stay at one of their cottages either in Mbs or Zanzibar.

The deal basically involved paying Amount X which was determined by a minimum of 7days + the number of years (either 10 or 20) + the number of family members (either 2/4/6) + the number of bedrooms (either 1bdrm for a max of 4 members or 2 bdrm for a max of 6 members) + the season (there were 3 options of Platinum/Gold/ Silver that guarantees one accommodation during hi & lo travel seasons depending on what package you chose). On top of which you are expected to pay 35,000 per annum for the next 10/20years. They claimed a 35% success rate in every group presented to.

For our package of 10 year, 4 members, gold season & one bdrm the amount was coming to 444,428/- and if we decided to join there and then we would get a 20% discount which means we would only pay 355,542/- better still if we were willing to pay cash or credit we would get a 35% discount meaning all you’d have to pay was a mere 288,878/-. If we were to go with the 20% option, we were expected to put down a deposit of no less than 80,000/- to guarantee that we were serious. BUT if we decided to come tomorrow (a mere 6 hours away) non of the discounts would be available to us and we’d not get a benefit of free membership to RCI which comes to 400$ per annum, meaning on the basis of tomorrow we’d be expected to pay and extra 268,000/- on top of the 444,4428/- which comes to 712,428/- an amount that we said we are willing to go think about, plan and return with the cash. That idea was immediately brushed off as they now had a better deal for us.

A 2 year deal where we would pay 135,000/- for the same 1 bdrm, Gold package and if we could put down 30,000/- there and then (cash or credit) we would be able to enjoy the benefits and after the 2 years we could come and the 135,000/- would be deducted from the 355,542/- and we can join up for the 10/20 years. We said we didn’t have the 30,000 on us and he immediately gave us a deposit price of 13,500/- to join the 2 year plan. I asked if we could give a post dated cheque for Sept 3rd (next week) and suddenly they all became hostile and at that point we were released (after filling in an exit form). We were then escorted to the reception, handed a ‘branded’ letter (without envelope) written in Comic Sans font telling us about the 2 day accommodation deal we are getting for free, how we only need to call reservations 1mnth in advance to secure a place either in Mombasa or Zanzibar.

The magnitude of the con only began to hit us once we got out of the building and into the fresh air. First and foremost we hadn’t walked out of there with any marketing/sales material to ponder upon. Secondly in the room were 14 tables (meaning 14 couples) for them to have a 35% success rate would mean that 4-5 couples would join per presentation. According to our hostess the presentations are made once on weekdays and twice on Saturday (and sometimes on Sunday). That is almost roughly 20 people joining per week. If those 20 people were let’s say able to part with 80,000/- on the spot that would mean the company would  make an average of 1.6M in a week. Noting that they only opening in February (after taking over from a company -  that was doing the same business of timeshare selling - but mysteriously closed their sales department to focus on the clients they had) which is roughly 29 weeks it comes to 4.64M so far only this year.

We called yesterday to book the 2day holiday in 2 months (rather than 1 month in advance) and we were asked for the voucher number (which was to be found on the letter) and a membership number. The latter was supposed to be given to you once you registered on the spot. Since we didn’t  have this number, we were told that we would be contacted with by the company. I wouldn’t hold my breath on that.

Now I’m not saying with 100% certainty that this was an outright con. In my opinion for a con to work 25% of what one is saying has to be true. All they need to do is own or rent out a couple of beach cottages for the next 10/20 years and get an optimum number of people to register in the first 2 years (depending on how fast word spreads). Let’s be hypothetical and say that they would only be able to get 10 couples a week (and that’s being modest) @ 80,000/- per couple over a period of 52 weeks; that comes to 41,600,000M tax free money that will be split between the 5-8 people (those in the room who claimed to be management); a little rent here and a few cups of tea/coffee there… that to me is a killing plain and simple.

Luckily for us the only thing we were conned out of was our time (which by the way wasn’t 90mins but 3 hours).

THINGS TO LOOK OUT FOR:

• You interact with different people at different stages with different level of knowledge,
• When you are arrive you are not allowed to meet clients leaving the previous presentation hence why we were told to wait in the car.
• You have to sit through a lengthy sales pitches before receiving promised prizes.
• They give oral promises with no documentation.
• They write on a white board but erase immediately after.
• They speak very fast and flamboyantly.
• You must close the deal today! They refuse more money tomorrow for a little today.
• They play relaxing/holiday music with subliminal messaging e.g Easy like a Sunday morning.
• They Read & write upside down very fast.
• They know the costs off head and only the managers come around with calculators, you  or your designated sales person don’t have access to it.
• They have bookmarked specific locations based on where it is you said you’d like to go.
• When someone signs up, they reduce volume of the music and insist that we all clap for them.
• You don’t leave with any brochures, papers with figures et al.

SLAM AFRICA SLAMMED!!!!

Kudos to  Imani and to all the guys who put their hearts and souls into the manifestation of what was possibly the best poetry gathering, performance and entertainment that Kenya has ever seen. I love being a part of something new, so that as it grows it’s like watching with joy a little child become an responsible member of society; because that’s what Slam Africa is going to be - a poetic platform that will be responsible in shooting Kenyan/African spoken word artists into the realm of all those that spoke before us and made a difference. But as one poet spoke yesterday, and I paraphrase: “…let’s come up with solutions rather than trying to make a difference…” Slam Africa is definitely a solution that will get us out of our ever complaining & blaming circles that the youth of Kenya often find themselves in. Kudos once again!

BIRTHDAY WEEK/END?!?!

The beauty of owning a blog is to be able to vent at any which time… so bare with me.

It’s an exciting week/end mainly because for one I’m turning 21 years old for the 4th time tomorrow, which is quite exciting as I had been 18-till-i-die for a while before that. On top of that I have a new job starting August 1st therefore subsequently I handed my resignation this passed Tuesday without much hassle, so I am currently living out my statutory 21-days notice.

So it only makes sense why I now more than ever I have psyched to Bungee Jump on Saturday but the numbers of committed people is quickly dwindling and I’m afraid I won’t make the required minimum of 3 people to make it an official jump. Plus it is the only thing I have to look forward to this weekend as everyone I know has a family/social plan or is heading for Lewa Marathon! There is the option of attending my future boss’s birthday party on that same Saturday but I am afraid that I might drink myself senseless and misbehave in front of future colleagues…

RUGBY RUGBY RUGBY…

It’s taken me a number of days to recover from the annual event that is Tusker Safari Sevens! My chest & nose remain clogged but my spirit is surely still soaring over the Kenya 31-12 win over the defending champions the Emerging Boks of South Africa. Watching that game was indeed the culmination of the weekend as Kenya beat Fiji’s C team and continued to shine throughout the whole weekend tournament. Even our Team B Shujaa didn’t let us down and made it to the bowl final against Japan - who subsequently won but not without a fight.

Then there was the Virgin hospitality tent that was to tears! It was the event’s party zone for those who are too old to hang out in the Tusker Village. It was also fun walking around in full Virgin regalia including the coveted red Virgin wigs! This time round I was assisting with the Announcing of games, teams and scores on he smaller non-Kenyan games such as the ladies finals et al. It was a great learning curve and experience, thankfully shyness disappeared and apart from having to shout and run around I had tons of fun.

There was a surprise pre-birthday party in between all of that i.e. on Saturday evening/morning. They got me on that one for sure - kudos to them. The 2am tequilas didn’t help one bit as the next day commentating was proving difficult indeed. Sadly I suspect with the party having happened last weekend not many guys are psyched to share my actual birthday which is tomorrow and or go bungee jumping with me on Saturday @ Sagana. Honestly I am not a party person and would really have loved a crowd at the bungee stint - but we don’t get what we really want in life do we? Anyway I fear that my birthday shall be the same as it is every year… depressing! Urgh!

THE OBAMA CRAZE IN KENYA & AFRICA…

“Oliech - Odinga - Obama” that was the recurrent chant that could be heard across the Nyayo Stadium @ the football match this passed Saturday. In addition to that I spotted a couple of flags that were the Kenyan flag on one side and the USA flag on the other (apparently stitched together). I am not a great fan of the Obama craze that has swept the country & continent but sometimes it gets so funny you have no choice but to join in.

I have one question however, is our feigned support of Obama just homeland pride or do we actually believe in his quest for the White House (wonder if it’ll be named Black House when he checks in - LOL!). Do we believe in his party’s policies, because in the land of USA that is what Presidential candidates run on - rather than tribal & financial affiliations that we base our votes on in Africa. If he came and stood in Kenya for MP (let alone President) would we have the same craze as we do now? Will we believe that our roads will be paved and livelihoods bettered? Why do we believe that Obama being President of the United States means better development for Kenya (esp the Western regions) rather than believing in the Vision 2030 that was just launched last Tuesday? If he ran in Zimbabwe - would Mugabe automatically step down in recognition of his superior political intentions?

I pity Africa when he steps into power, because we are going to be so greatly disappointed as he gets into the business of running a country’s budget that runs into trillions, among other more important international issues such as Nuclear power generation, the War in Iraq, Food shortage and rising fuel prices.

SUPPORTING FOOTBALL IN KENYA…

This passed Saturday I was privileged to be in Nyayo Stadium to watch our Kenyan football team - Harambee stars thrash out the Mugabe in the Zimbabwe team. I hear that this passed game was more organized in terms of people not pushing down the gates & causing havoc - in a bid to see our stars at work. Last weekend the tickets were being sold at the stadium but this time round people had to buy advanced tickets that were sold out a whole 24 hours before the game started. So kudos to the organizers for learning asap from passed mistakes.

What really amazed me was the psyke, adrenaline & energy that was in that stadium. By the time the game started people were on a whole other level & by the time the first goal entered the net the noise levels went up by 100% as all 40,000+ people in the stadium rose to their feet in excitement. There was, however, a small tear gas scare that people brushed off their shoulders when they realized it was a canister shot from the outside rather than internally.

The second goal by the stars surely pushed the energy levels off the charts but were quickly brought down when our star goalie hurt his knees as he tried to rescue the ball from the determined feet of the Zim players. It was sad to see him being carried out in an Ambulance but the crowd chanting his name was enough to show the sympathy that all felt for him. Having over substituted the players the coach decided that Oliech was now to take up the task of being the goalie, this caused some ripples of nervousness but luckily he was barely there for 5 mins as the game ended with a 2-0 score in favor of Kenya. I’m sure he’d have made a great goalie but this wasn’t the time to find out.

Having attended my first ever live football match, I slowly started to realize that we need to support our boys much more beyond criticizing K.F.F - by simply attending any live matches, even at the league stages. It’s a good thing that in this year’s budget the Finance Minister mentioned that 1M is to be set aside for each constituency to bring up young new players & run football leagues at a professional level. I hope that budget is passed and more so managed well. It is also great to have DStv screen our league matches live on our televisions, so we have no excuse to not know what is going on in the football circles. Next live match is versus Namibia so watch out for that & buy your tickets early.

Now having supported Kenyan football, let’s all now get out in droves to do what we do best - Support Kenyan Rugby by turning up at the Tusker Safari Sevens this weekend from the 20th-22nd of June 2008.

GM DIET: DAY SEVEN & TURNING 40

No I didn’t turn 40! I am currently a mere fresh and young 20 year-old (OH HOW I WISH!). Anyway a cousin of mine did turn 40 yesterday & her husband & sisters organized a very intimate surprise luncheon in a lovely garden setting. It was a nice way to spend the day with family & friends but woe unto those that were on a certain 7-day detox diet. The food was to die for and while queuing on the line I planned to serve white rice & veggies; but that thought quickly flew out the window. I non-hesitantly threw some chicken & beef (all the things I’ve missed in the passed week) on my plate; but sadly only managed to nibble at the chicken once it touched my lips. I guess that diet went on and turned my tongue against me! But the ice cream and cake was taken in with glee… the guilt however drove me crazy and I passed on dinner in the evening. Had my celebratory glass of white wine which went to my head instantly and blacked me out for the weekend. BUT my body does indeed feel lighter & cleaner. Up next is my “Skipping-Rope” exercise routine starting in March. Wish me luck.

TO: HON. MELITUS MUGABE WERE

Dear Sir,
Your death is indeed very saddening, not only because of the times Kenya has found itself in but because this young country has lost a young man who was ready to work for us. I watched the News yesterday as they paid tribute to you, your life & achievements. I applauded your work in Dandora where you have built an orphanage & given young boys the chance to better their football skills & dreams - keeping them off the streets. I hang my head in shame when I heard that you have left us at the ripe age of 39; whether you were killed by ‘accident’ or assassinated it is of no consequence because many things in the passed month have gone unanswered! What remains is that despite us singing the song of “Vote Young” we have, as youth, murdered our very own; a youthful leader who was ready & willing to lead us into a new tomorrow. May you rest in peace, and look down upon us with mercy. Please pray for Kenya as we work out our problems. Amen.

WELL BEHAVED WOMEN?

I think not! In my opinion the GoDown’s Sigalagala 2 went superbly well with dazzling fashion shows hosted by African Heritage, Kikoromeo & Patricia Mbela. For music there was Millie’s stunning performance! The lady has an awesome voice; so hopefully we’ll be hearing more of her soon? Maybe one Friday at Dass?

The Kwani? Poets performance was great as well; most of all I had fun with the Kwani? girls as we giggled & commented our way through the whole gig. There was a varied presentations of themes that sort of all covered different aspects of the being that is “Woman”. Together I thought we were a powerful demonstration of poetry available in Kenya. I’m even thinking of doing a QCS e-book of women’s poetry! I think so far I already have 5 great pieces.

Naliaka’s poem was about a woman regaining her 2020 Vision and booting her man out of her life, Eudiah was about Venus and how we as women have many sides to us. Cindy’s (which was very hilarious) was a presentation on a young african women coming to terms with her black beauty and Njeri’s was about a village girl whose husband so desires ‘those’ Nairobi women who in her opinion were the epitome of women behaving badly. Mine was about the enigma that is woman.

Anyway Kudos to everyone who took part esp the artists who did up the stage set up of bras, panties and stocking hanging from the roof. That kept me tickled throughout the event as I would occasionally spot a loose panty the size of a whale! But let’s do this again shall we?

HERE IS TO THE S.A BOYZ

Ok now let’s all take a breather, pump the chest and then scream with me, “YIPEEEEE SOUTH AFRICA WON THE WORLD CUP!!!!!!!” Here is to underestimating the spirit of rugby both in the Southern Hemisphere and in S.Africa. Yep you heard me am not going to be obnoxious as proclaim that African rugby is where it’s supposed to be but I’ll say SA rugby is where we should all aspire to be. I give Namibia props as well for making it to the RWC, but c’mmon where are the Zimz, the Kenyans the Ugandans? We need to step up and take 15s like 10 notches higher before we can sing and dance about an African team winning the cup. Given that SA made a couple of mistakes but luckily the Roses didn’t pick them up and declare punishment; but that was a good defense esp on that “almost” try. Then there was Jimmy Jump… you don’t know who that is? Well that’s the chap who after halftime decided to come give his team some morale! But alas he was tackled off field by security. Other than that it was a kicking and penalty game, an ok culmination to a great tournament. Now we go back to soccer, premiere leagues et al! URGH!