OF HOLIDAYS AND LOW FEELINGS

As I type this am certain that a good number of my friends are out making merry in this season of death and resurrection! Meanwhile, I’m here at home, on my couch, seriously lacking sleep, and since I’ve just watched the movie 27 Dresses, and now listening to Maxwell’s “A Woman’s Work”; my eyes are a bit moist as I think of all the Hollywood romances that we subject ourselves to. Yet we eventually have to deal with the reality that is our normal relationship without the background music and dramatic happy ever after going into the sunset shots.

Basically to wrap it up in a sentence I-don’t-like-holidays much, a revelation I only stumbled upon as late as last year. I always to get this overwhelming gloomy feeling when dates such as Christmas, my birthday, Easter fast approach. Somehow I find myself very low, and have never quite found anyone to whom I could say even understand only 1% of what the hell I’m going through; so that I can just have the warm feeling that “someone understands”. Instead I just feel even more horrible for not being a sport to all the “fun” activities that everyone is up and about planning for and talking about and/or being the party popper when I do attend activities.

So as I now get into marriage and eventually plan for children, my new fear is that I’ll somehow transfer this to my offspring and they too won’t like holidays much as I do. Therefore, I’m slowly trying to come up with this pact with myself that my family will enjoy the holidays, that we will enjoy the activities that will be planned and most of all we will enjoy each other. If not then I just might be potentially about to create a future generation that will have the very same damp feelings am having right now.

I know you are wondering so why do you just get out there and enjoy life, suppress these feelings… well, that’s what I’ve been doing for the years gone; perhaps it’s time I moped it all up and finally learn to deal with what’s ailing me. Yup so in this season of death and resurrection… I do want to bury my love-hate relationship with holidays and hopefully resurrect a more cheerful and blissful person.

While I work on that, you have a Happy Easter, and let it be about Jesus rising in our hearts. Be blessed.