You are currently browsing the monthly archive for May, 2007.
hello world • it’s me • yeah me, the one who feels like screaming her head off • scream it off right now • maybe a little tomorrow and a bit of next week • not because of anything in particular but because of everything specific •
it’s not about me by the way it’s many things • it’s my family that i love so dearly at the verge of falling apart • not falling apart like tearing apart never to be put back together • maybe something less dramatic but falling apart all the same • i love them though • could that count for something • could that mend the breaking pieces • or am i reading everything all wrong • can i rid the wrong right • or read the right wrong •
it’s not about me by the way it’s many things • it’s not me but it’s my landlord • i want to strangle him but then i don’t have the energy • or i couldn’t be bothered or maybe i don’t care • but it’s frustrating the rich landlording over the not so rich • lording over the not poor • yet not so poor but can afford • so i can’t even imagine what he would do to those who have nothing • am sure he would take everything and laugh as he continues to stab their hearts, twisting the knife over and over and over and over •
it’s not about me by the way it’s many things • it’s me here with my little problems • that continue to shrink in the face of other’s problems • i want to take their problems away • i want to do this so that i can wallow in my continual self pity that i so love to do • to think that i have more to achieve • more to climb greater person to be • yeah in the face of everything else all those things seem insignificant to what everyone else is going through • insignificant because they are not real problems • they are manifestations of my fears • fears of not achieving my dreams • fears of failure • but failure is a part of life • it’s what makes or breaks us • they say • who is they • and why do we keep repeating what they say •
it’s not me world • it’s everything else that i can’t seem to control • because they are not meant to be controlled • i know that • but my mind can’t seem to wrap itself around the concept • it’s not me • it’s the damn voice in my head that has told me to write all of this in small caps • with dots in between •
I got myself this awesome graffiti version of my name done my Marazzmatazz!!! Answered a nation building question – due to my intelligence of course!!! ;0)
There is a recurring day mare that I usually have. I imagine that I wake up in a huge glass dome surrounded by white wash walls and tiles. On closer inspection I realize that I am a small insect inside a petri dish covered with a glass bowl… shortly some men in white coats, with huge bespectacled glasses and clipboards peer into my dome and start writing furiously at my every action. I read their lips and understand that I am a rare insect that has just been found and that they intend to keep me for further study… it is from there that I plan my escape….
That’s what comes to mind when I think of men in white coats… So when I came across this blog I thought my dream had manifested virtually… or hadn’t it???? Check it out!
Welcome to the blog world Cartoon Character!!!!
What is wrong with the hyphen!!?? C’mon now people let’s have a serious talk about this. What is wrong with an African woman getting married and hyphening her father’s name (family name) to that of her husbands??? What does it take away from the man? I would still be his wife… the hyphened name is mine alone… the children take his name! The hyphen is my way of keeping my roots; I don’t have a brother to carry the family name so it would be only prudent to keep my family name along with my husbands. What of the lady whose parents died while she was young wouldn’t she want to remember her roots and keep them alive?
I know, I know… why are we aping Western Civilization? They’ve had over 200 years of independence and sufficient time to lose their traditions!? Why can’t we keep in tandem with our African traditions? I of all people love traditions (as so long as they make sense in this time and age). I want dowry to be paid, I want a traditional wedding etc….
BUT again I ask what does it take away from the man (except maybe his ego – which can be re-affirmed in so many other ways). In this day and age where bearing many children (read 12) is almost out of the question there won’t be a chance to name all & sundry on either side of the families. So the lady’s family name will get lost!!! Don’t get me wrong I’m not talking about her name because her grandchildren/daughters shall definitely pick that up…
So tell me what does a hyphen take away from the man??? Personally I think it’s a plus to the family, it shows that both family trees are being given equal platform.
I don’t even know what the proper names for all the networking sites that have been cropping up over the years are. It’s been a number of years fighting the Friendstars, hi5s and Facebooks of the world. There are also the graduates.com and just recently I’ve been asked to join 20Something club – not sure what that one is about. Whatever happened to the nice Social Hall Clubs, Rotary & Toastmasters; where people actually meet face to face, discussed national building issues & formed lasting friendships…? Or am I still stuck in 20th Century thought paradigms?
My standing argument all along has been that I barely have time for my physical friends and or relationships… how much more for online/virtual relationships? Anyway, I put up a good fight until I was convinced to join Facebook by two of my friends… that was a month ago or so… as of yesterday I’ve only checked it out three times and I actually thought about updating my profile & picture… but that thought dispersed as fast as it had come – the moment I log in… I guess it’s not my time.
I suspect am content with blogging for now. I don’t know who reads what I write & what they think about me – but at least my thoughts, dreams and aspirations are out there… it feels just awesome getting some things off my chest…
Nurture, cherish, embodiment & life… those are the keys words that are swirling in my mind as I try and cook up a brand story for a logo I am designing. Logos, logos and more logos has been a part of me the passed few weeks, but believe it or not in this case… familiarity doesn’t breed contempt. I guess cause it’s been a while since I tested my logo designing faculties. But that’s not what I was here about… and for the life of me can’t remember what it is that brought me here… but that’s the beauty of blogging… I can be here about nothing or something or everything.
My mind is clogging up with various thoughts most of which am at a loss of what to make of them. My cousin was admitted last week having tested positive for hiv and being in a bad state. I’ve visited him twice so far and each time it’s been an experience. Behind the frail frame is my beloved cousin… he looks no different to me; I still see the energy and passion that I have always admired him for. I pray he gets better so that he can be up and about doing what he does best, coming up with ideas; whether they work or not, at least he dared to try out his dream.
The other thing running through my mind is this new relationship that I am finding myself in. It has that new car smell with the perks of an old classic car. Basically, I feel like I’ve known them for the longest time… then again there is nothing new under the sun… but you know what? This gal is loving her turn in the sunshine…
Yet every time I find something new other things fall to the wayside. Today I received the umpteenth question from a friend as to why I’ve not been communicating or keeping in touch. Hearing that question hurts; & hurts me mainly cause I really do try to balance my life and sometimes it just doesn’t seem to gel… worse still it hurts that I hurt a loved one with my seeming disregard for time spent together… whilst no one cherishes that more than me… so I have been left to conclude that everyone has a different frequency of the time they spend with loved ones… I guess for me right now, my frequency is just a smidge off everyone else’s…
The Lord woke me up today
I was lying there
not feeling like getting up then…
I felt a warm glow on my face
opened my eyes and
the sun stared down at me
through parted curtains
My face lit
all around me was a
heavenly halo
I closed my eyes yet
in my heart I knew
He’d given me
a good morning kiss
So I awoke
ready to face the day
come what may
because…
My Lord woke me up today.
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