A GIRL LIKE ME

Please copy and paste this link below and watch the video: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1091431409617440489&pr=goog-sl

I’ve just watched this documentary off goggle. I’m sad… really sad… here we are young African girls pouring money & time to look “beautiful” like the African American Girls we see on TV. Their weaves, dressing, attitude, dance moves… I concur that immitation is the best form of flattery; but the very same people we are copying are also trying to copy us…

They are trying to get an identity, a heritage… they are trying to be us… to belong. We can sneer all we want at going to shags (upcountry) and the dust… the shaddyness of the people there… but that’s who we are. We are what we want to believe we are; we are what we are cause we come from somewhere… from a people… our dark skins, kinky hair, non flat tummies, huge behinds and breasts are what we are… trying to be someone else because you are not secure n the knowledge that are you beautiful no matter what…

I dunno I’m just sad…

ST. ELSEWHERE

Le·thar·gic adj
1. physically slow and mentally dull as a result of tiredness, disease, or drugs
2. causing a state of physical slowness and mental dullness

Ok can’t be too sure what’s causing my current state but that’s the right word to describe how I am right now. I can’t understand what is going on. But in summary I think I need a short break. Passed month… I’ve felt nothing for the activities that previously brought me alot of joy. I decided to take a Capoiera break… not read the newspapers and listen to news… thought I would be able to pick up an interesting book in the process or watch a well made movie… alas none of the above… therefore my physical & mental status is dulling… I won’t even discuss the other realms of my exsistance… someone randomly asked me if I have a boyfriend after I told them what I’m going through… at first I was shocked but I get where they are coming from… yet that is not a reason to want to burden one individual with all of this… basically I just think I need a few days off… take three to four books that have been decorating my bedside table… and just hopefully bask in the sun, with coconut oiled spread on my body… eat when I wanna… and eat good food at that… just sit there and do nothing but read, tan and randomly pick a conversation with a fellow bummer… I miss Malaysia… I miss it so much… Just wanna disappear and rethink the plan for the rest of the year… I’m now debating whether or not or not or whether I will go for the poetry class tonight… I don’t even wanna crawl under covers and sleep… I just want to be somewhere else…

THE DARE/GOLD DUST

by vee

she twirled slowly
much like the fans
above her
she sought
she fought
she thought
oh she thought
yet there was a stronger urge
within her to figure out
what he meant
to figure out
what he saw in her
that she didn’t
but maybe she did
and just didn’t know

the illusion of the sunset
shone on her face
her who with grace
held on to the sunset
the illusion was but
the street lights twinkling
orange, amber & gold dust
on her determined face
there was both the illusion
of a sunset and of fear
but no more…

for the street lights became
silent
for a moment
silence
only for to hear the voice
strong & angelic
rising & soaring
they listened
for they’d heard but only rumors
of such when the city was
deserted on holy days
when they huddled in
their blessed sanctuaries
to sing
to worship
and now here in this
thick carpeted
silk draped room
the voice swelled & floated
above everything
even the band
playing sweet tunes downstairs
the eb & flo of her voice
loomed

there was momentary silence
yet they continued to talk
amongst themselves
but in their hearts & minds
they were quiet
there was inevitable
peace in their noise
there was respect
in their unconscious
they were silent
even when they
didn’t know
they were

she sang
she finished
she drew her last note
bowed ever so slightly
to an inattentive audience
had she proved him wrong?
what was she to prove anyway?
she knew she could sing
so what now?
the echo stopped
the fans stopped twirling
the street lights began to twinkle again
…no applause…
…no acknowledgement…
but there was…

time had
stopped
it
had
ceased
as she discovered
herself
him
me
us…
it was a dare
but then again
maybe it wasn’t….

BEING GRATEFUL

It was mentioned to me that maybe I’m not grateful because I whine about things I want to have or want to do. That got me thinking… what’s all that about? What does it all entail this act of being grateful? Can’t I dream, desire or want to want more than I already have? I have a great family, comfy home, good job, awesome friends, and interesting activities… spiritually - well God & I are on this long walk where of late I’ve meandered off on my own tangent… But still am I not grateful if I do everything I do to the best of my ability, while wanting to learn more and wanting to share my life, its lessons and joys with others? Am I being ungrateful when I talk of a deeper desire that’s in me to do more – must more & much better?

I believe there is the life we are supposed to live and there is the one we choose… I want to live the one I’m supposed to… I want to wake up and go forth to the world knowing I am adding to its value by what I do… it’s not that I’m not feeling like that now about my life… just that I know am only at the beginning of a very long journey… what I have now (that I’ve been blessed to have) is all part of this big plan… unfortunately I tend to be impatient… so maybe when I say I want to taste a little, smell a whiff or just hear a bit of the bigger picture… I might sound ungrateful for what I have right now… so what is being grateful… what’s that about… must I get on my knees and thank God every time? Well I do that… I whisper to Him when I can (that’s a my bad)… but I think if I do what He has given me to steward to the best of my ability…then I am… or am I?

What is being grateful!?

HI&LO

Tends to happen to me in the shortest span of time. So from the “Collision” post to now it’s been high flying as far as my spirits have been concerned. Now I dunno just a bit low…

WaPI DadaHood - Art in Progress

 

WaPI DadaHood this passed Saturday was off the chain. Sincerely, it’s very difficult for me to rate any event that way! But this one was – The crowd, ambiance, food, networking, poetry, music, merchandise… and my most favorite part… graffiti on the walls. It’s like watching an exhibition come to life right before your eyes… and maybe that’s why I love the event so much…it’s all about art in progress. So when it ended at 3pm, you could see slight confusion in people’s faces as to what cuts next?? It took me 45 mins to finally decide to leave and find some other activity to take up my Saturday evening! Yeah it was that good. The next one by the way is on Hip Hop… that should be oodles of fun especially for the founders who are underground hip hopers themselves.

My only problem would be that after attending an event two three times I start itching and wanting to organize it myself. So I don’t know I might just miss the next WaPI otherwise my itch will turn into a serious allergy! Now I’ve started toying with the idea (that’s been at the back of my mind since high school) to study Event Management. I’m just not ready for another session in school but seems the ants in my pants are going to get me off my ass at the rate Kenya is moving towards meaningful events…

DANCING IN THE MOONLIGHT by TOPLOADER

I have lovely memories attached to this song. One of my favourite was when my close friend & fellow Kenyan came to visit me in Malaysia from Japan. I had decided to show her as much of the country in the short 3 weeks she was there. I can’t count how many times we woke up in a bus disoriented & wondering if we were headed someplace or from someplace and where that might be…

One of our stops was Langkawi Island, Malaysia. I don’t care what anyone says, I love that place to bits as it always has a way of making life interesting for me. This time round we met a bunch of Russians and Dutch men who ended up vying for our attention -  the details are Cuando-Seas-Mia-like so lets cut to the chase.

There was a party on the beach, the sky was clear and there was a full moon - hanging low in the sky. I was having a “Black Russian” cocktail and my friend “Blue Lagoon”… a few of those later plus the lovely ambiance (minus the daggers being thrown between the European camps…) this song started playing… oh wow I can’t even begin to describe the happy-post-60s hormones running through my body… I was high on life more than the cocktails… sea breeze in your face, fine sand between your feet… music in your ears… pulsating through your veins… your body spinning, winding and swaying… the passed erased, the present forgotten and future as big as the starry sky above… good times… good times…

“Dancing In The Moonlight”

We get it on most every night
when that moon is big and bright
its a supernatural delight
everybodys dancing in the moonlight

everybody here is out of sight
they dont bark and they dont bite
they keep things loose they keep it tight
everybodys dancing in the moonlight

dancing in the moonlight
everybodys feeling warm and bright
its such a fine and natural sight
everybodys dancing in the moonlight

we like our fun and we never fight
you cant dance and stay uptight
its a supernatural delight
everybody was dancing in the moonlight

dancing in the moonlight
everybodys feeling warm and bright
its such a fine and natural sight
everybodys dancing in the moonlight

we get in on most every night
and when that moon is big and bright
its a supernatural delight
everybodys dancing in the moonlight

dancing in the moonlight
everybodys feeling warm and bright
its such a fine and natural sight
everybodys dancing in the moonlight

STAY

by vee

Dreamland hours
of pink grass
& green flowers
raising their heads
to the yellow sky
where blue clouds
pass by…
I wonder how
orange rain
would feel on my
indigo skin?
Would it wash away
the white blood?
Or make my
purple eyes sad?

A world of color
Yet a world
very sour…
of laughing children
with tears in their eyes
Where there is trust
but the other spies…
Of found love
& lost hope
of mountain hikes
on slippery slope
Where lovers dance
but only from a
distant glance

Oh dreamland hours
of ALL those flowers
Scattered on the trail
of freshly painted oil
Where the puppy’s
paw steps to spoil
A girl hoping
nonchalant on a path,
Yet not willing to incur
nature’s wrath
Picks them up &
into the air
Set’s them free
with abandon & flare

I’m mildly saddened in
this vast dreamland
I fear that am suspended
on sinking sand
I see the colors
both bright & dull
And feel my words
mixed up in a swirl
I dare to say
that you should stay
but I don’t want to
tempt fate & have my
way
So in this surreal
dreamland
I let myself drown
in the sinking sand.

OUR CONCIOUSNESS

“Every beauty and greatness in this world is created by a single thought or emotion inside a man. Every thing we see today, made by past generations, was, before its appearance, a thought in the mind of a man or in impulse in the heart of a woman.”

Kahlil Gibran — Lebanese American Writer, Poet and Artist

WHO

If it’s not one
it’s the other
if not the other
then another.

It’s the one
you didn’t expect
the one who
you thought
was the one
the one who
promised
to do it right
this time
right
the next time
right
some other time
but the time
was never
the right time.

It’s the one
you stand by
and wait for
the one you
pray will see
you for you
will love
you for real
will need
you for ever
but the will
is never in
the here &
now.

But if it’s not one
it’s the other
if not the other
then another.

It’s the one
you leave
for another,
then the other says
they will never
be the same
as the other;
but it becomes
a similar
place
a similar
plane
a similar
pain
and the
similar is indeed
the same.

It’s the one
who gave
a promise
promised before
and never kept
a promise
believed in before
but always foiled
a promise
to yourself
to never hear that
promise again.

But if it’s not one
it’s the other
if not the other
then another
if it’s not another
then it might  be…